camping trip

...just returned from a three day, two night camping trip--a first camping trip with the triplets. It involved a four to five hour drive in a packed mini-van with my neighbor and her six year old son, heavy rain both evenings, and the coordination of activities and meals among a group of 11 adults and 16 children, which included both my husband's brother's and sister's families and two other families...think about it...

Bottom line:
it was wonderful.

Highlights:
After a particularly heavy downpour on the first evening and as the sun was coming back out, Cinderella spotted a rainbow in the sky between two trees. She had never seen a real one before, and we hadn't been looking for one. She just saw it. All the kids in our group ran over to look at the rainbow. It was very exciting for her. That night she couldn't get to sleep until she had recounted the events of the day down to the smallest detail.

On the second night, S. Judy was exhausted after a long day of hiking and rafting in the hot sun. Wearing her pink Dora poncho and eating a soggy hotdog under a flimsy canopy in the midst of a shower, she started crying inconsolably, saying, "I miss my Papa and Nama" which is what she calls my parents. She cheered up when we brought out the pink cookies with sprinkles and the glow-in-the-dark bracelets.

Jasmine was in her element during the entire trip. She was eager to participate in every new adventure...the first one of the three to swim in the river--even under water--and she didn't complain about the rocks on the bottom or the leaves floating in it. She never whined about the rain or mud, negotiated new and old friendships with ease, and went to sleep with little help each night. On the second night, after I had spent some time coaxing her tired sisters into their pjs on top of wobbly air matteresses, I looked over and found that she had changed and gotten into her sleeping bag all by herself. She had her animal camping pillow under her head and her eyes closed. As my neighbor said, she was "impressive."

This morning when Cinderella woke up in her own bed, she asked me (half-joking, I think), "Was the camping trip real or a dream?"

Best Idea:
...bringing sketch books and crayons for each girl in their own little backpacks. On our hike, the girls stopped spontaneously at the edge of a waterfall to draw what they saw...the falling water, a butterfly, flowers, etc. My husband had even packed their backpacks with tape so that they could tape leaves and flower petals into their books. This turned out to be one of the nicest, quietest moments of the trip.

three little ducklings

I went over to the our pool to swim laps in the afternoon yesterday. When I was getting coffee, one of the older ladies whom I see there frequently looked over at me and asked, "You're the triplet mom, aren't you? I don't really mean to call you that, but you are, aren't you?"

"Yes," I responded, and I think of all the attention we attract at the pool. When we cross the pool deck together, my girls follow along behind me in single file, wearing cute, colorful bikinis and bouncing, braided pigtails. It's hard not to notice us.

"Well, I just want to tell you what a delight your girls are and what a great job I think you and your husband are doing in bringing them up."

It's the kind of statement that warms my heart, but also makes me wonder...does she know who my husband is or is she actually watching P., our "manny," with our girls and mistaking him for the father.

When the girls were younger, I couldn't go anywhere with them by myself--one adult is just not enough to take care of three 2 year olds at a playground. At that age, they would run in three different directions and would need help climbing on the smallest of slides. P. and I went everywhere together during that stage, and everyone always assumed that the two of us were the parents, I guess because a male childcare provider is so unusual and because there was no obvious difference in age, etc.

It made for some funny moments...like the time I realized the misunderstanding with another mom we had just met at the park and stuttered my way through various iterations of "oh, he's not the father...I mean, he's not my husband...um..." until finally P. interjected to the relief of our wide-eyed newfound friend, "I'm the help."

Now that P. is able to take the girls to swimming camp at the pool by himself, most people that don't know our family assume he is the father at first. So, when this woman is complimenting us I wonder if it's really P. that deserves the credit. That's the insecurity of every mom who has a nanny (or in this case a manny) talking. Of course, I know that's not completely true, and my husband does help out a lot more than most. I guess what it boils down to in the end is that this endeavor has really been a team effort.

small kids, small problems...

Jasmine (not her real name) was the first of my triplet girls to stand up, but she was not the first to walk. She wouldn't try to walk because I don't think she liked falling and she was very naturally cautious. Cinderella (not her real name either) learned to walk weeks before Jasmine, I think, because she just wanted to more. To this day, she continues to exhibit a real drive to try at everything she does. My third daughter, S. Judy (ditto), didn’t walk until she was roughly 17 months or so and only then with the help of lots of PT and orthotics. But now, at 4+ years she may be the most physically capable of the three girls…she is certainly the biggest and the strongest (PT probably must take partial credit for that—they had us putting her through strenuous calisthenics as a one year old) and the most physically ambitious.

I’m thinking today about how Jasmine doesn’t always apply herself because that is my main reason for agreeing with her school’s decision to put her in a different classroom than her sisters this fall. This week, my husband and I met with the director of the lower school at the private school (a whole other story) we selected for the girls. We just wanted to discuss the teachers’ recommendations to separate our girls and to let the school know that we wanted to participate in future decisions. We knew we wouldn’t really be able to change their minds, even if we wanted to, without resorting to INSISTING on a different arrangement. And neither my husband nor I were prepared to INSIST. We are the parents of four year old triplets—we’re tired.

I can't believe how big my girls are and that this is something I actually have to deal with as a parent. They are starting real school, by which I mean full day Pre-K. The issue is not just "if" but "how" the three of them will be split up among two classrooms. We know a family whose twins are going to be separated at the same school, and they don’t seem to be having second thoughts. For us with triplets, it is a little different—two girls will get to remain together with only one being on her own.

Fortunately for us, the girl that the school selected to be on her own also is the one that volunteered. When I explained the situation to my girls and asked for their input, Jasmine jumped at the chance to be in a different classroom, saying that she wanted to make new friends. While she is definitely the most comfortable in social situations, and she would be the obvious choice based on a 45 minute play date (how the school made its “recommendation”), she is not necessarily the most independent or definitely not the most mature of the three girls. I have concerns about splitting them up in a 2-1 combination; I hope it won't affect the closeness they now feel towards each other. But I feel better knowing that Jasmine agrees with the decision.

Initially, my husband and I wanted the girls to be kept together, but the school felt strongly that it would be in Jasmine's best interest to give her the opportunity to be on her own. I am going along with their decision at this point because I feel that Jasmine has some unique characteristics--ones the school has no idea about--but ones which do point to her doing better on her own. For one, Jasmine has a real gift for making friends. It comes very naturally to her and it is a wonderful quality. She will not be shy in a room full of kids she doesn’t know. This is what I wrote about Jasmine in her school application… Jasmine is complex, independent, and confident. On the one hand, she is extremely capable of entertaining herself and content to “read” books; but on the other hand, when presented with the opportunity to interact with others, she is very social and eager to participate. Jasmine is the sister that people outside of the family get to know first, and other kids seem to be instantly attracted to her. She regularly comes up with pretend games and activities and gets other kids to follow along. As my father says, “Jasmine is really good at getting other people to do what she wants.”

This is what I did not write…she doesn't always put her best effort into tasks. At four and half years, what does she really have to try at? But in comparison to her two sisters, if a skill like pushing the pedals of a bike or going under water at the pool doesn't come naturally to her, she gives up quickly. Now of course she does ride a bike and swim as well as her sisters can, but she has needed extra help to get there. I wonder if it’s actually a confidence thing or as some have suggested a “middle child” thing…

Anyway, I try to give her extra attention, and I am hoping she will get that by not being just "one of the triplets" in her classroom.