small kids, small problems...
Jasmine (not her real name) was the first of my triplet girls to stand up, but she was not the first to walk. She wouldn't try to walk because I don't think she liked falling and she was very naturally cautious. Cinderella (not her real name either) learned to walk weeks before Jasmine, I think, because she just wanted to more. To this day, she continues to exhibit a real drive to try at everything she does. My third daughter, S. Judy (ditto), didn’t walk until she was roughly 17 months or so and only then with the help of lots of PT and orthotics. But now, at 4+ years she may be the most physically capable of the three girls…she is certainly the biggest and the strongest (PT probably must take partial credit for that—they had us putting her through strenuous calisthenics as a one year old) and the most physically ambitious.
I’m thinking today about how Jasmine doesn’t always apply herself because that is my main reason for agreeing with her school’s decision to put her in a different classroom than her sisters this fall. This week, my husband and I met with the director of the lower school at the private school (a whole other story) we selected for the girls. We just wanted to discuss the teachers’ recommendations to separate our girls and to let the school know that we wanted to participate in future decisions. We knew we wouldn’t really be able to change their minds, even if we wanted to, without resorting to INSISTING on a different arrangement. And neither my husband nor I were prepared to INSIST. We are the parents of four year old triplets—we’re tired.
I can't believe how big my girls are and that this is something I actually have to deal with as a parent. They are starting real school, by which I mean full day Pre-K. The issue is not just "if" but "how" the three of them will be split up among two classrooms. We know a family whose twins are going to be separated at the same school, and they don’t seem to be having second thoughts. For us with triplets, it is a little different—two girls will get to remain together with only one being on her own.
Fortunately for us, the girl that the school selected to be on her own also is the one that volunteered. When I explained the situation to my girls and asked for their input, Jasmine jumped at the chance to be in a different classroom, saying that she wanted to make new friends. While she is definitely the most comfortable in social situations, and she would be the obvious choice based on a 45 minute play date (how the school made its “recommendation”), she is not necessarily the most independent or definitely not the most mature of the three girls. I have concerns about splitting them up in a 2-1 combination; I hope it won't affect the closeness they now feel towards each other. But I feel better knowing that Jasmine agrees with the decision.
Initially, my husband and I wanted the girls to be kept together, but the school felt strongly that it would be in Jasmine's best interest to give her the opportunity to be on her own. I am going along with their decision at this point because I feel that Jasmine has some unique characteristics--ones the school has no idea about--but ones which do point to her doing better on her own. For one, Jasmine has a real gift for making friends. It comes very naturally to her and it is a wonderful quality. She will not be shy in a room full of kids she doesn’t know. This is what I wrote about Jasmine in her school application… Jasmine is complex, independent, and confident. On the one hand, she is extremely capable of entertaining herself and content to “read” books; but on the other hand, when presented with the opportunity to interact with others, she is very social and eager to participate. Jasmine is the sister that people outside of the family get to know first, and other kids seem to be instantly attracted to her. She regularly comes up with pretend games and activities and gets other kids to follow along. As my father says, “Jasmine is really good at getting other people to do what she wants.”
This is what I did not write…she doesn't always put her best effort into tasks. At four and half years, what does she really have to try at? But in comparison to her two sisters, if a skill like pushing the pedals of a bike or going under water at the pool doesn't come naturally to her, she gives up quickly. Now of course she does ride a bike and swim as well as her sisters can, but she has needed extra help to get there. I wonder if it’s actually a confidence thing or as some have suggested a “middle child” thing…
Anyway, I try to give her extra attention, and I am hoping she will get that by not being just "one of the triplets" in her classroom.
I’m thinking today about how Jasmine doesn’t always apply herself because that is my main reason for agreeing with her school’s decision to put her in a different classroom than her sisters this fall. This week, my husband and I met with the director of the lower school at the private school (a whole other story) we selected for the girls. We just wanted to discuss the teachers’ recommendations to separate our girls and to let the school know that we wanted to participate in future decisions. We knew we wouldn’t really be able to change their minds, even if we wanted to, without resorting to INSISTING on a different arrangement. And neither my husband nor I were prepared to INSIST. We are the parents of four year old triplets—we’re tired.
I can't believe how big my girls are and that this is something I actually have to deal with as a parent. They are starting real school, by which I mean full day Pre-K. The issue is not just "if" but "how" the three of them will be split up among two classrooms. We know a family whose twins are going to be separated at the same school, and they don’t seem to be having second thoughts. For us with triplets, it is a little different—two girls will get to remain together with only one being on her own.
Fortunately for us, the girl that the school selected to be on her own also is the one that volunteered. When I explained the situation to my girls and asked for their input, Jasmine jumped at the chance to be in a different classroom, saying that she wanted to make new friends. While she is definitely the most comfortable in social situations, and she would be the obvious choice based on a 45 minute play date (how the school made its “recommendation”), she is not necessarily the most independent or definitely not the most mature of the three girls. I have concerns about splitting them up in a 2-1 combination; I hope it won't affect the closeness they now feel towards each other. But I feel better knowing that Jasmine agrees with the decision.
Initially, my husband and I wanted the girls to be kept together, but the school felt strongly that it would be in Jasmine's best interest to give her the opportunity to be on her own. I am going along with their decision at this point because I feel that Jasmine has some unique characteristics--ones the school has no idea about--but ones which do point to her doing better on her own. For one, Jasmine has a real gift for making friends. It comes very naturally to her and it is a wonderful quality. She will not be shy in a room full of kids she doesn’t know. This is what I wrote about Jasmine in her school application… Jasmine is complex, independent, and confident. On the one hand, she is extremely capable of entertaining herself and content to “read” books; but on the other hand, when presented with the opportunity to interact with others, she is very social and eager to participate. Jasmine is the sister that people outside of the family get to know first, and other kids seem to be instantly attracted to her. She regularly comes up with pretend games and activities and gets other kids to follow along. As my father says, “Jasmine is really good at getting other people to do what she wants.”
This is what I did not write…she doesn't always put her best effort into tasks. At four and half years, what does she really have to try at? But in comparison to her two sisters, if a skill like pushing the pedals of a bike or going under water at the pool doesn't come naturally to her, she gives up quickly. Now of course she does ride a bike and swim as well as her sisters can, but she has needed extra help to get there. I wonder if it’s actually a confidence thing or as some have suggested a “middle child” thing…
Anyway, I try to give her extra attention, and I am hoping she will get that by not being just "one of the triplets" in her classroom.
posted by kim at 7:31 AM
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